Specialties · Self-Esteem
Self-Esteem Therapy
Self-esteem is not a mood. It is a running internal commentary about what you are worth and what you are allowed to want, learned somewhere specific and still shaping decisions today.
60-Minute Sessions · $200 · In Person or Telehealth in Utah
What It Sounds Like
The Commentary, and Where It Was Learned
Most people with low self-esteem can recite their internal commentary word for word: not good enough, too much, should have known better, lucky anyone puts up with you. What they often cannot do is say where they learned it. Sessions spend real time on that question, because the commentary usually traces back to something specific — a parent whose approval was conditional, a sibling comparison that never let up, a mistake that was treated as a character flaw rather than an event.
Achievement is a common compensation. When the internal sense of worth is thin, external proof gets substituted for it — grades, promotions, a spotless house, being the reliable one. This can look like ambition or diligence from the outside and function as a constant audit from the inside, where no accomplishment settles the underlying question for long.
Perfectionism is the sharper edge of the same thing: a belief that mistakes will expose something true and damaging about you, so they have to be prevented rather than survived. That belief makes ordinary praise hard to accept, because praise contradicts the internal commentary and gets deflected, argued with, or credited to luck. It also produces over-apologizing — for taking up space, for having a preference, for existing inconveniently — as a way of pre-empting the criticism a person expects anyway.
Relationships
Who You Choose, and What You Tolerate
Self-esteem shapes relationships in ways that are easy to miss from inside them. It tends to set the bar for who feels familiar, and familiar is not the same as good for you: a partner who is critical, unpredictable, or withholding can feel more believable than one who is simply kind, because the criticism matches the internal commentary and the kindness does not. It also sets what a person will tolerate, since objecting requires believing you deserve better treatment than you are getting.
This shows up in friendships and families as well as romantic relationships — the friend who is always in crisis and always centered, the family member whose disapproval sets the mood for the whole visit. Working on self-esteem usually means working directly on these patterns: what you say yes to, what you have never said no to, and what happens in your body when you imagine doing either.
Because Athena works systemically, this often includes looking at the actual agreements in a relationship rather than only the feelings around them — who apologizes first, whose schedule bends, whose preferences get asked about. Renegotiating those agreements is often where self-esteem changes fastest, faster than insight alone tends to move it.
Seeking help for your problems means you’re taking action.
The Work
Built Through Action, Not Affirmation
Self-esteem does not move much through repeating positive statements at a mirror, because the commentary it is competing with was built through years of lived experience, not through words alone. What tends to work instead is behavioral: practicing accepting praise without deflecting it, saying no to one specific request and observing that the relationship survives, going a week without a pre-emptive apology and noticing what actually happens.
Sessions also look at renegotiated agreements — concrete, specific changes in how a relationship or a household runs, rather than a private resolution to feel differently. Small, repeated, verifiable changes tend to outperform insight on its own, because they give the internal commentary new evidence to work against.
For preteens and teens, this often centers on school pressure, friendships, comparison with peers, and the messages picked up at home, worked through individually with parents included where it would genuinely help rather than as a default. For adults, the same principles apply across work, friendships, and romantic relationships, at a pace set together rather than prescribed.
Athena is not a prescriber. She does not treat substance abuse, grief, or OCD, and will point you toward a better-suited referral if one of those is the central concern.
Common Questions
Self-Esteem Therapy Questions
- Is self-esteem work just about positive thinking?
- No. Affirmations rarely move a self-esteem problem that was built over years of specific experiences. The work here focuses on identifying the actual internal commentary, where it was learned, and changing behavior and agreements that keep it fed.
- Can teenagers and preteens work on self-esteem in therapy?
- Yes. Preteens and teens are seen individually, often around school pressure, friendships, and comparison, with parents brought in where it would help rather than by default.
- How does low self-esteem show up in relationships?
- It often shows up as choosing partners or friends who confirm a low opinion of yourself, tolerating treatment you would object to on someone else’s behalf, or over-apologizing for having needs at all. This gets addressed directly in sessions.
- How long are sessions and what do they cost?
- Individual sessions are 60 minutes at $200. Select Health, BCBS, UBH and University of Utah Health Plans are accepted, and sessions are available in person in Salt Lake City or by telehealth anywhere in Utah.
Start With the Contact Form
Self-esteem work is individual therapy for teens and adults alike. Send the contact form before anything is scheduled.