Resources · For Parents
How to Talk With Your Teen About Starting Therapy
Deciding that your preteen or teen might benefit from therapy is one step. Talking with them about it is another, and it can feel harder. This guide offers some ways to approach the conversation, and explains what parents can expect once sessions begin.
Framing
Support, Not Punishment
Young people are quick to hear the suggestion of therapy as a verdict: something is wrong with me, or I am in trouble. If therapy is introduced right after an argument, or as a consequence for behavior, that reading becomes even more likely. It is worth choosing a calm moment, away from conflict, and being clear that this is about support.
It can help to describe therapy in ordinary terms. A therapist is someone outside the family whose job is to listen, help sort through what is hard, and work on things like stress, friendships, school pressure or tension at home. Many adults see therapists for the same reasons. Framing it as a resource, rather than a fix for a broken person, tends to lower defensiveness.
If you are feeling worried, it is fine to say so, briefly and honestly. What tends to backfire is a long list of everything that has gone wrong. A simple statement, such as noticing they have seemed stressed lately and wanting them to have someone to talk to, usually lands better than a case being made against them.
Timing matters too. A car ride, a walk or a quiet evening often works better than a formal sit-down, because it feels less like an intervention. And it is fine if the first conversation is short. You can come back to it.
The Conversation
Listening and Offering Choices
Expect some pushback. Teens may say they are fine, that therapy is pointless, or that they do not want to talk to a stranger. Those responses are normal. Listening to the objection, rather than immediately arguing with it, shows that their view matters. You might ask what worries them about it, or what they have heard about therapy from friends.
Offering real choices can make a big difference. Would they prefer to meet in person or by telehealth? Would they like to look at the therapist's website first? Would they be willing to try a few sessions and then talk about whether to continue? Choices give a sense of control at a time when they may feel that a decision is being made about them.
It can also help to share what sessions look like. Athena’s teen therapy page and the page on working with teens and preteens describe the approach in plain language, and some teens appreciate reading them on their own.
Privacy
What Parents Can Expect to Hear, and Not Hear
One of the most common questions parents ask is how much they will be told. Therapy works best for teens when they have a private space to talk honestly, so parents should not expect a report of what was said in each session. If teens believe everything will be passed along, they tend to say very little.
At the same time, parents are not shut out. Athena keeps parents appropriately in the loop: general themes, how things are going, and ways parents can help at home. Safety concerns are always shared. How this balance works is explained to both parent and teen at the start, so everyone understands the arrangement before sessions begin.
It is natural to want to know more. Many parents find it useful to ask their teen open, low-pressure questions after a session, such as whether it felt worthwhile, and to accept a short answer. Pressing for details tends to make the room feel less private, which can undermine the work.
Parents may also want to share information with the therapist, such as changes at school or at home. That is welcome. Athena will usually be open with the teen about the fact that a parent has been in touch, which helps protect the trust that makes the work possible.
The Systemic Part
Keeping the Family in View
Athena is a marriage and family therapist, and her approach is systemic. A teen’s difficulties are understood in the context of the family, school and friendships around them. Sometimes that means parents join for part of a session. Sometimes it means family therapy is the better starting point, or becomes part of the work later. Those decisions are made together.
Parents can support the process by being open to their own part in household patterns. That does not mean taking the blame. It means recognizing that when one person in a family changes, others often need to adjust too, and that the adjustment is easier when parents are willing to look at it.
For preteens especially, parents often play a larger role in sessions, simply because younger children rely more on the adults around them. As teens get older, the balance usually shifts toward more private individual time, with parents still involved in a supporting way.
Refusal
If Your Teen Says No
Some teens simply refuse. They may be angry, embarrassed, or convinced that nothing is wrong, and no amount of reassurance seems to move them. If that happens, resist the urge to argue the case. Pushing harder tends to confirm the feeling that therapy is being done to them, and the conversation becomes a power struggle rather than a decision.
A refusal does not have to be final. Many teens change their minds once the pressure eases, or once they hear that the first visit is only a conversation and that they can say what they want to say. Leaving the door open, without nagging, usually works better than a deadline.
Choice helps here too. Your teen may be more willing if they can decide whether to meet in person or by video, or if they know they can stop after a few sessions and say so.
Sometimes the gentler first step is a family session rather than individual time. Sitting together can feel less exposed than talking alone with a stranger, and if family therapy turns out to be the better fit, Athena can explain how that would work.
Next Steps
Getting Started
When you are ready, a parent can send the contact form with a short note about what is going on. Teen sessions are 60 minutes at $200, in person in Salt Lake City or by telehealth anywhere in Utah; fees and accepted plans are on rates and insurance. If you are unsure whether individual or family sessions make more sense, the guide on where to start may help.
If your teen is in immediate danger or talking about harming themselves, call or text 988, or call 911. Do not wait for a therapy appointment.
Common Questions
Questions From Parents
- What if my teen refuses to go?
- Resistance is common and does not mean therapy cannot help. Listening to their objections, giving them some choices, and agreeing to try a small number of sessions before deciding again often lowers the stakes. Family sessions can also be a starting point.
- Will I be told what my teen says in sessions?
- Not word for word. Teens need a private space to talk honestly. Parents are kept appropriately in the loop about general progress and are always told about safety concerns. Athena explains how this works with both of you at the start.
- What ages does Athena work with?
- Athena works with preteens and teens as well as adults. Teen sessions are 60 minutes at $200, in person in Salt Lake City or by telehealth anywhere in Utah.
Start With the Contact Form
Parents can start with the contact form. A short note about what is going on is enough before anything is scheduled.