Approach · Gottman Method
Gottman Method
Athena is Level 2 Gottman trained, working from research-based observations about what distinguishes couples who repair well from couples who erode slowly over years of the same fight.
60-Minute Sessions · $250 · In Person or Telehealth in Utah
Getting Started
Assessment and the Story of the Relationship
The first stretch of couples work is assessment, not intervention. That usually means a joint session where each of you describes how you met, what drew you together, and how the relationship has changed, followed by individual sessions where each partner can speak more freely about history, concerns and what they want out of the work. From there, patterns start to become visible that neither partner could quite name on their own, not because either of you is hiding something, but because it is genuinely hard to see a cycle clearly while you are inside it.
This assessment period also surfaces the relationship’s existing strengths: shared history, moments of genuine friendship, ways you already repair well. Gottman’s research treats these as just as diagnostic as the conflict itself.
What Erodes a Relationship
The Four Horsemen and Their Antidotes
Gottman’s research identifies four communication patterns (criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling) that predict relationship breakdown with striking reliability, contempt especially. Part of couples work is learning to recognize these patterns as they happen in real time, in your own arguments, rather than as abstract categories. That recognition alone changes very little on its own; what matters is practicing the antidote each pattern has: a gentle start-up instead of criticism, a culture of appreciation instead of contempt, taking responsibility instead of defensiveness, and physiological self-soothing instead of stonewalling.
Repair attempts get particular attention: the small, sometimes clumsy things one partner does mid-argument to de-escalate: a joke, an apology, a change of tone. Many couples already make repair attempts and simply do not notice, or notice and reject them out of momentum. Learning to notice and accept a repair attempt is often more useful than learning to argue less.
Turning Toward
Bids, and the Difference Between Solvable and Perpetual Problems
Gottman’s research also looks at the ordinary, unremarkable moments between arguments: a partner mentioning something they noticed on a walk, a sigh after a hard day, a text sent for no particular reason. These are bids for connection, and whether a partner turns toward, turns away from, or turns against these small bids over years predicts a great deal about a relationship’s trajectory. Part of the work is simply increasing how often bids get noticed and turned toward.
A significant portion of ongoing conflict in most couples is what Gottman calls perpetual: differences in temperament, values or needs that will not be permanently resolved, only managed with humor and respect. Distinguishing a perpetual problem from a genuinely solvable one changes what the work aims at, not eliminating the disagreement, but changing how it is held.
In the first few sessions, expect assessment rather than advice: history-taking, observation of how you currently talk to each other, and an honest look at where criticism, contempt, defensiveness or stonewalling already show up. Concrete practice (a different way of starting a hard conversation, a specific repair attempt to try this week) usually begins once that picture is clear.
Athena is not a prescriber and does not treat substance abuse, grief, or OCD. Couples sessions are 60 minutes at $250.
Common Questions
Gottman Method Questions
- What does Level 2 Gottman trained mean?
- It means Athena has completed Level 2 training in the Gottman Method, developed by John and Julie Gottman, which she draws on for the assessment and interventions used in couples work.
- Do both partners need to attend every session?
- Assessment usually includes both a joint session and individual sessions with each partner. Ongoing sessions are typically joint, though individual sessions are sometimes used when useful.
- What if we are not sure the relationship can be saved?
- That uncertainty is a reasonable place to start from. Early sessions focus on understanding the relationship honestly before deciding what kind of work makes sense going forward.
- What do sessions cost?
- Couples sessions are 60 minutes at $250. Select Health, BCBS, UBH and University of Utah Health Plans are accepted, and sessions are available in person in Salt Lake City or by telehealth in Utah.
Start With the Contact Form
Couples work begins with assessment, not a diagnosis of who is at fault.